Thursday, August 14th, 2008
|
|
8:16 pm - hello world
|
|
Its August (but you probably already know that) I haven't updated in a long time i post alot on my SG blog. Anyway. My birthday was august 4th. My mom came to visit me for about 6 days. I hadn't seen here in two years. there were alot of emotions but i think we had a mostly positive visit. we went to a few museums. One being the MoMa with the Frida Kahlo exhibit and even though i wasnt feeling very good that day and the big crowd at the musuem was hard for me deal with i'm glad i got to see the art work. I visited with some family from my moms side that lives in gilroy. It was an action packed week for me. I'm not used to walking around alot and doing so much.But I had a great day on my birthday we went to one of my favorite resturants and maggie mudds for dessert. During the day my mom and I say Mamma Mia. its very much chickflick but i'm into those things. I've been doing alot better. but i'm very lonely these days and self concious cause i've gained too much weight and my friends these days are few and far between. I dont know i'm not the partying type so much anymore. I also started a bonding with my sister again i was mad at her for a few years but we talked on the phone while my mother was visiting and sort of sorted things out and we've been emailing each other since the talk. i just hope our communication.
current mood:  content
current music: M.I.A. paper planes
|
|
|
|
Monday, February 18th, 2008
|
|
2:17 pm
|
|
wow it seems like forever since i've posted in this. I've been soo tired lately, its the total opposite of the usual me who likes to lay in bed but can usually not get much sleep. I slept though the simpsons last night and watching that has been a sunday ritual of mine for years. Also I've was farting alot yesturday ooh its like self torture. I ate at that absinthe restuarant in hayes valley for my dads birthday I had to of course try the alcohol for which the place was named after I didn't hallucinate but I'd probably need to drink of it. Its definetly an aquired taste.
I'm really bored with life. No One I mean except for a few neighbors in my building, I'm very lonely.
If you're reading this please say something to me. You must be reading cause you have some sort of interest in me or my life. ok well that sounded desperate but I am.
current mood:  lonely
|
|
|
|
Thursday, August 2nd, 2007
|
|
10:26 pm - feeling better
|
send me birthday wishes on saturday <3 tessa
current mood: content
current music: queen
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, July 31st, 2007
|
|
1:18 pm - feeling better
|
well as many of you may know I've have a had depressing life. recently i was have a horrible day and i went to my chiropractor she tought me some things to do when i feel. bad and i've had a new out look on life and ilve decided to stop being depressed and look at the good things i ve have. btw i got in another bike accident and a i have a broken hand finger thing going on typing is annoying right now.
i also broke my cell phone a few weeks ago and i lost all my numbers i have a new phone and a new provider so please send me number if you want to keep in touch with me. <3 tessa
current mood: calm
current music: TLC (tv)
|
|
|
|
Saturday, July 14th, 2007
|
|
9:47 pm - My cell phone is broken
|
Well Friday the 13th wasn't a good day for me. First I had court and nothing happened yet I just have to go back again. Then my phone started randomly shutting off so I rode my bike to my dad's house to get his old phone. On the way to phone store I was riding down a hill my glasses started falling off my face then there was an SUV double parked and I couldn't get control to stop with the glasses falling off and i smashed in the back side of the SUV. I have some sort of broken hand or finger I find the results on monday at the doctor. Friday the 13th suckes for me. Having only one good hand sucks. I broke my Right hand my writing hand. ugggggghhhhh could things GET any worse. also broke my phones screens broke I lost all my numbers and found out I couldn't switch it anyway. So I'm in limbo right now about the phone situationk. If you're my friend I had you're phone and want the info of my land line drop me a line. I'm going to ice my hand and lay down for a long time. <3 Tessa  sadiesuicide@yahoo.com gimme your numbers and i'll tell u my land line no more texting
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
|
|
12:52 am - cabin fever
|
|
if you didnt know i was arressted it was horrible and the oakland police beat me up. since them my mental health has been horrible i'm stresses out and i wanted to go out today but i didnt know where to go since i;m broke for a frew days, i keep getting these shooting pains in my foot i feel like i'm going to die of cancer like bob marley, suicide has been on my life alot lately all this stress is too much for me life has given me too much. did i menton the cops broke my wrist i'm cant take all the injuries my knees constantly hurt. i'm so negative right now. siiiggghh help me
current mood:  stressed
current music: the ramones
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, April 17th, 2007
|
|
4:12 pm
|
|
the trip to LA did go well there was a big problem and that being Wassen. ugh i've never heard someone complain so much.
|
|
|
|
Saturday, April 7th, 2007
|
|
3:57 pm - disneyland!
|
|
i'm going to disneyland! i convinced my dad to pay for wassen and me to go to disneyland and give us a little gas money to get there. were also going to LA but i dont know many people there except for lame extended family i dont want to see. but i'm so excited about disneyland i cant remember ever going. most of my memories are of disneyWORLD. anyway i hope this cheers me up. give me your address if you want a postcard.
|
|
|
|
Monday, March 19th, 2007
|
|
3:43 pm - free day!
|
Wassen studies alot eli thinks hes not always at school when he says he is i'm sceptical. Anyway yesturday I went to trader joes to get my normal cheap champagne but the lines were so long and it was so busy that i just walked out with my bottle and no one said a thing i got away with stealing champange thats awesome. I also took these too paintings that were among of set of some awesome paintings they looked like someone might have been trying to sell them but no one was around so i walked away with one and figured someone would stop me if they were for sale but no one stopped me so i went back and now i have two awesome paintings.
Relationships are hard and they never seem to last long for me. Some people have called me selfish i just think i'm crazy and manic depresstion has a hold on me.
i wish i had my digital camera ( i have no idea where it went) or any digital camera and i want more tatttos but i'm poor and friendless oh whoe is me
current mood:  melancholy
|
|
|
|
Monday, March 12th, 2007
|
|
11:08 am - butterfly sex
|
Wassen an I saw butterflies having sex in golden gate this weekend. We went and looked at some apartments there was one we liked but it was way to expensive and he seems a little unsure about living in san francisco for very much longer. uugghh I want to be with him but leaving the bay area almost makes me cry. I really do love san francisco, but I've only lived here for 5 years or so even though it seems a lot longer that that.
I did by a new tv this month, it was $88 at target and for some stupid reason Wassen got us cable(but I do enjoy the hell out of it) I just think its too expensive and it gives me another reason not to leave the apartment which is something I don't need. But now were stuck in this contract with comcast for at least 6 months. We needed a bigger tv that bammers 12 inch wasn't doing the cable justice. So now I have a 20 inch. But that $88 dollars and the stupid cost of installation for the cable is really making a dent on a our monthly budget. I wish his brown ass would go get food stamps I don't qualitfy cause the goverment thinks I can survive on $850 a month well i could if you assholes (the goverment)would at least give me food stamps. But I'm always thinking about the future always thinking next month will be better, I'll have more money next month but something usually happens or I do something stupid like go on a binge and waste all my food money. Being broke does have it perks, it keeps me off drugs cause when I have a hundred dollars in pocket if makes me jones for the needle.
I've miss placed me wrist brace again but I can feel it getting better. I have an actual appoitment which a real doctor and not some bammers clinic where have to wait 5 hours before a see doctor for about 20 minutes.
i'm really worried we won't be able to go to la before june so much for meeting bob barker uuuggggh i hate this thing you all call money i wish it didnt exist.
well thats a big a update you probably won't hear from for a bit cause i'm lazy and i'd rather watch tv then be on line and it just wastes electricty when i try to do both.
current mood: melancholy
current music: Nico
|
|
|
|
Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
|
|
6:57 pm
|
i went to seattle i've been back for a while i got out of my rut i feel really good today and me and wassen are living together and i'm in love this is really fun. oh i wish i had more friends to talk about this to i got a new tv and i'm broke but i have a tv and candy. <3 tessa
current mood:  good
current music: my new tv
|
|
|
|
Friday, February 2nd, 2007
|
|
1:18 pm - it truly is a cruel world
|
i've come to realize well i've know this for along time but anyway I don't have many friends. the friends i try to have (most of them seem to be in sf) ditch me or just drift away. why is this? why can't I be one of those people whos been best friends with someone since they were 5. well since i'm 24 thats never going to happen. do i unconciously push them away? i dont know. i never have understood humans very well. I have these wonderful dreams of jumping off my favorite bridge and ending it all. Its one of the most famous suicide spots in the world that hasnt put up a suicide barrier. this isnt a cry for help just me expressing my feelings please dont try to be my friend just cause i want to die that makes things even more depressing. i guess i'm just taken for granted and the person i feel closet to in the world is my exboyfriend/best friend junkie eli. i often feel like nico "no one love nico and nico loved no one" she died from brain hemmoraging from a bike accident. how come when i get in bike accidents i just suffer from constant knee pain. ooooooh how i hate life i guess nothing has changed.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Air
|
|
|
|
Monday, January 8th, 2007
|
|
12:01 pm - suicide girls myspace
|
|
|
Saturday, January 6th, 2007
|
|
6:49 pm - its a hard life
|
Don't pay much attention to this entry its just a manic depressant entry.
So I was walking home from grocrey shopping and buying ingredients for mimosas cause I plan on drinking alone tonight, nothing new to me. So I started thinking about how I got this letter saying they're lowing my ssi and I have option to appeal. Thats a whole nother story I'm not even sure how to appeal. I was thinking about how life sucks, while I was on this walk. I was thinking I'm never going to find anyone (not even a lover but a friend too) I feel like I'm going to die alone IF I grow that old and don't die my suicide which is my ideal way to want to die. All these negative thoughts makes me cry. No ones ever gonna wanna marry me or have a civil union or anything. I even been making posts on craigslist to make friends and girlfriends. Not much has happened except one girl I saw like twice. meh thats alll for now
current mood: melancholy
current music: bob dylan
|
|
|
|
Friday, January 5th, 2007
|
|
10:38 pm - hey look i got a computer!
|
In case you didn't know I was mugged and my computer was stolen during the mugging so I haven't posted in here in awhile. I got another laptop cause my mom had one she wasn't using cause she doesn't know how to use a computer. Anyway here I am. Recovering from broken wrists and a hurt knee, damn I miss riding my bike. Christmas was kinda boring I got some nice stuff but it's still not set up cause of my injuries. How are you? No one ever visits anymore.
current mood: melancholy
|
|
|
|
Sunday, December 10th, 2006
|
|
8:11 pm
|
if you didnt already know lots of bad stuff has been happening to me i lost my wallet my cell phone basicly my whole purse i have 2 broken wrists. I bought a new ipod and then i got mugged and they got my new ipod and laptop computer. So I dont have a computer right now i'm at my dads updating.
Things are looking up to make me feel better my dad told me one of the presents i'm getting for xmas. A reciever for my record player i've been wanting for a long time. He also bought me some new art supplies today. But i'm still very emotional and stressed out right now. I dont have a computer so I can only update at my dads place or friends houses right now. Its not that big of deal to me i've been keeping myself busy with art. I got a new cell phone and my old number will be back in effect in 2 days. But wil all these injurys exercise is hard right now and i'm already unhappy with my weight. At least my dad got me some new clothes that can fit over my fat ass. my wrist is still broken and it hurts now so see ya later
|
|
|
|
Monday, November 20th, 2006
|
|
8:18 pm - worst hospital ever
|
|
i spent all day at the stupid san francisco general hosptial urgent care and all i got was an appoitment on november 30 and a bad mood. The urgent care unit is totally overcrowded and after i got back from x ray it smells like a cats litter box. I had to go to x ray again cause I went to another hospital and when i got back and eventually saw the doctor he says well it looks like you got a fracture. I already knew that and told you that idiot, I told the doctor that this was my last resort and he took as an insult and thought i was calling his hospital scum! He also continued to tell me that general is the best hospital in the city, I've been to alot of hopsitals in this city and I beg to differ but i had already got into fights today. This injury is taking a toll on my weak emotions. Having medi-cal is almost as bad as having no insurance. Oh and I took my splint off probablynot the best idea but it was soiled and they didnt feel like a waiting around another few hours for someone to change it. I hate everything right now. Thanksgiving is the worst time of year ever.
|
|
|
|
Monday, November 6th, 2006
|
|
12:09 am - boooobaaah! *fart*
|
my teeth only seem to hurt at night. weird!
I've been staying at my dads house all weekend cause he's on vacation. There's digital cable and high speed internet here, 2 things I lack.
I watched death of a president last night, cameron fell asleep. I watched a documentary about the Jones-town Massacre tonight with carrie, that thing was really creepy.
i've been thinking about visiting florida, its been a while since i've been there. Maybe someone wants to see me?? we'll
goodnight
i went to goodwill to get clothes and i got a boobah toy what a surprise!
current mood: content
current music: brak show
|
|
|
|
Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
|
|
10:26 pm
|
my teeth hurt on both sides aaagggh someone shoot novocaine in my gums. one of my teeth is also bleeding alot when is brush it aaaggghh i cant eat candy and it was just halloween.
in other news im going into disabled retirement life is sweet except for these damn teeth. ugh i guess over a year of being a junkie and taking poor care of my hygiene is taking its toll 3 months after i quit drugs. if some fucking heroin my teeth wouldnt hurt but thats a bad bad bad idea.
im taking wellbutrin it has so many good points, decreased appetite, helps you quit smoking and not to mention the whole anti depression thing. now if only it could make my teeth feel better. ooh i hope i get medi-cal soon and i hope it covers teeth.
current mood: sore
|
|
|
|
Wednesday, October 25th, 2006
|
|
4:16 pm - SSI
|
I got the best news today. Something I really needed to hear. I'm getting SSI, I've been approved! I don't have to apply for shitty GA, I'm going to get more money that I have been getting from SDI (which won't approve me anymore). I'm so happy! My dad's going to be happy that he doesnt have to support me well at least not as much as he was. I feel like i recently had a dream that I got SSI so maybe that was a sign. I got really mad when I found recently that Eli got approved for SSI before me. but that doesn't matter anymore. money money money MONEY!
current mood:  happy
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
zira's journal